Thank you so much ((((((Rainbow, Echoes, Miss C). It does feel like a heavy, uncared for feeling. Like an undeserving feeling. Even though I can easily tell myself its not true. But this sadness and feeling like crying hit me suddenly when I wasnt looking. I began to feel tears welling up as I read and wasnt sure why.

It IS the rhythm of life, posting and connecting here, connecting and being with people we love in RL. I have a feeling that I am barely even aware of that only this moment matters. I mean that in a psychological sense, not in a spirtual sense (where living in the moment works for me in postive way) but in the sense that I am only as loved and worthy as I am in the current moment. Without a history. So, if I dont post, no one cares or remembers me and therefore the gratitude I have for my friends here and the love I get here is not evident. Only if I show it every moment. When there is a space, a gap, I am forgotten as if I was never here.

I think this is a deep issue for me and may be something that has driven my behavior in the past. If there is anything I am grateful for, it is becoming aware of it.

I had a good week with my kids and what they need and wanted this week was very important to me. Its only 1 week so we did a lot and there were times I felt "over socialized" and pulled back a little. But I did it in a way that I could meet my kids needs for friends and had families over here for food and conversation. Then I could be home and feel safe, but still have my friends. I find I cant go out constantly. I need to pull back and get centered. I find the yoga breathing so so grounding. even a few breaths and I feel like myself and able to go on with my day.