I'm sorry you struggle with this, too, Tree

This reminds me of something. You know how the people who worry about something tend to be the ones who least need to worry? I'm a teacher and the kids who worry most about getting bad grades are the ones who don't need to worry about it, but their anxiety won't let them see it. That strikes me as what's going on for all of us here. I bet people who really are "bad" never worry that they are.