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Originally Posted by googley
My most recent Ts have taken responsibility (or if not responsibility, explained their meaning behind what they said/did.) Often I have found that it is my misinterpreting their meaning, but they do admit that they could have been clearer about their point.
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I have had some different experiences with this. Desk-T seemed to be covering herself when she gave an explanation and I came to question her motives for what felt like, well, lies. I confront her, she twists it around (re-phrase it) into something gentle and well-meaning, but for sure not at all what she originally said that made me upset. I didnt think I misinterpreted her.I felt like she was lying.
Now I find myself with a very slight degree of suspicion toward ftt. Will she be honest or will she cover herself? I liked that she called me and honestly told me about her flat tire and then called me again. She seems like an honest person I can trust.
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But other times they admit that they made a mistake. I've never had them say that anything in the relationship is singularly my fault. It takes two for something to happen, they have shared the responsibility. Being that when I was growing up I was always blamed for everything that went wrong, I would not be willing to have a T who blamed me for things that go wrong. It would be like I was back living with my abusive parents.
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Maybe some of this defensiveness from us comes from the fact that we actually WERE being accused of crimes we didnt commit. At an age when we couldnt understand how or why. So, we could only defend ourselves. A lot of good that did. I got to sleep in a closet for defending myself.
