Pachy and Brightheart- I think pretty much every message from the treatment I got from my mother and from my father told me there was something wrong with me, that I was not good enough and I was bad bad bad. I think invalidation to a small child can do so much damage, more damage than I realized at first. Even csa is an invalidation of who we are and how we we feel. Then I must be bad if no one seems to care how I feel. In my present life, when my H doesnt seem to care how I feel, it feels to me like yet another invalidation and then a validation of my badness. In the past I would have acted on these feelings of badness by defending myself or reacting or getting triggered and angry, but what I am trying to do now is acknowledge to myself that he is triggering the self-hate/feelings of badness and respond from a feeling of love for myself. I wont go into a long example, but just the fact that I can answer him with humor is an act of self-love on my part. Instead of acting on the the feelings of "bad" and criticized, I have answered with humor and understanding from his point of view, knowing that Im just fine and dont need to be defensive. I think my defensiveness is an attempt to not feel that I really am bad and have been discovered.

BH- I love that you wrote your little girl a poem. What a beautiful thing to do to acknowledge how much you love your inner little self