Quote:
Originally Posted by skeksi
I am another one who completely understands this. T has told me a billion times that this is the shame the abuse put on me. I am not yet able to grasp this; if I feel bad, then I must have done something bad, I must be bad. I can intellectually get that I'm not bad, but the emotional understanding is just not there.
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I once asked T if she thought that some people were just intrinsically bad and deserved to die. That's how I feel, that there is just something in me that is so rotten, so horrible, that I don't deserve to live. I've lived my life trying to make up for 'it', trying to be so good, so honest, so kind and nice to make up for my inborn 'bad-ness'. But nothing I do seems to make that feeling of intrinsic darkness go away, even though it's not logical.