Quote:
Originally Posted by moonrise
I once asked T if she thought that some people were just intrinsically bad and deserved to die. That's how I feel, that there is just something in me that is so rotten, so horrible, that I don't deserve to live. I've lived my life trying to make up for 'it', trying to be so good, so honest, so kind and nice to make up for my inborn 'bad-ness'. But nothing I do seems to make that feeling of intrinsic darkness go away, even though it's not logical.
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I agree with Pachy, for me even though the feeling of being worthy is slow to come, the intellectual understanding that I did nothing wrong has made a difference. Im not really there yet, but the understanding that I am not bad, I am who and what I am and this is my story and why I am this or that way is helping to heal the way I react to people around me. Can you work on specifically why or what is so rotten about you that you feel you deserve to die? You might find that those things dont hold up well to scrutiny. That you arent the bad person or child you always believed you were. It is sloooow going I think for this kind of thing, going through your life and seeing things differently from the point of view of a person who wasnt at fault and not bad at all.
Big hugs...from one Moon to another
