i am really sorry you are having such a hard time, Kerria. it seems to me that a lot of people here have very difficult problems IRL. you aren't alone in that. i mean, i'm not even as separated from myself as many of you here since i'm not split into different parts...but just with my PTSD, i have an awkward strained relationship with my family, no friends IRL due to my PTSD, school and work are exhausting because i am tired and frustrated all the time and therapy often seems to make it worse instead of better because of trying to dig up stuff my mind doesn't want to let go. I know for a fact, from reading other posts, that Petunia, Fuzzy, and Caroline are all having a difficult time right now and yet they're stopping here to let you know how much you matter to us here at PC. we can't know your exact problems and we do not have the same ones, but we all have our problems and we all feel quite hopeless and helpless to some degree...and at times it is worse, at times it is better. i hate that it is a 'worse' time for you right now and i wish there were something i could do. but short of listing all of my problems, i don't know how to help you see that i do understand and care and want to help. DID is incredibly hard to live with, esp when you are unable to communicate with the others. perhaps that is the direction to go in... because you're stuck with multiplicity but if you can accept and move past that to try and facilitate communication, it might help. i have many multiple friends and have found that generally what blocks communication with an alter is the lack of accepting that alter and what he/she holds. perhaps that is a direction you could look in, or perhaps you've already tried it, i don't know. i really would like to help, even if you just need someone to tell your problems to. i don't think it's solely because you're a multiple that these doctors won't listen...i know many people without DID that have had doctors be callous to them simply b/c the people weren't 'doctors' and therefore were assumed ignorant of their own bodies. their treatment of you is inexcusable.

All i know is that what we're saying isn't helping but i am not sure what -would- help. i don't know what to offer. Please write some more and let us know what we can do. i, for one, would love to be able to ease the troubles you are having in whatever way i can. i am sorry i am not more help.

(((((((kerria)))))))

-shadow