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Jan 02, 2010, 01:21 PM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Fringes of the bell-shaped curve
Posts: 779
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 I was hoping that by taking a break over the holidays I would feel better, but I still cannot even log in to PC without my PTSD, anxiety, and severe depressive episodes being instantly triggered - and it gets worse every time I log in. It has become increasingly difficult just to read and post VMs and respond to PMs, and I cannot respond to threads at all, now - I just shut down - engulfed and nearly paralyzed by overwhelming sorrow and sadness - feeling uncomfortable, out of place, and even unwelcome in some instances.
I know that my physical energy has been depleted because I've been fighting this massive recurring abscess in my left jaw for over a month now (allergic to antibiotics), so that's a lot of infection and pain that my body is having to handle on its own - even so - this is nothing new....... I want to be here to support, comfort, encourage, and interact with others - but then I shut down, my mind begins to go blank like a door slowly closing, and I feel like my chest and heart are being crushed by some unbearable weight - some unbearable sorrow - all my energy drains away and is replaced by a sort of emotional, mental, and physical lethargy and numbness - all I want to do is cry; the tears well up, but do not fall - the sorrow and pain are just too deep and intense - then all I can do is log off and walk away. I'm also allergic to psych meds, so there's no help there.
I'm hoping that forcing myself to post what I am experiencing will help me to identify the problem so I can do something to alleviate these feelings and move beyond them. Would appreciate any insights and suggestions. lynn09 
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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