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amandalouise · Jan 02, 2010, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lynn09

I was hoping that by taking a break over the holidays I would feel better, but I still cannot even log in to PC without my PTSD, anxiety, and severe depressive episodes being instantly triggered - and it gets worse every time I log in. It has become increasingly difficult just to read and post VMs and respond to PMs, and I cannot respond to threads at all, now - I just shut down - engulfed and nearly paralyzed by overwhelming sorrow and sadness - feeling uncomfortable, out of place, and even unwelcome in some instances.

I know that my physical energy has been depleted because I've been fighting this massive recurring abscess in my left jaw for over a month now (allergic to antibiotics), so that's a lot of infection and pain that my body is having to handle on its own - even so - this is nothing new....... I want to be here to support, comfort, encourage, and interact with others - but then I shut down, my mind begins to go blank like a door slowly closing, and I feel like my chest and heart are being crushed by some unbearable weight - some unbearable sorrow - all my energy drains away and is replaced by a sort of emotional, mental, and physical lethargy and numbness - all I want to do is cry; the tears well up, but do not fall - the sorrow and pain are just too deep and intense - then all I can do is log off and walk away. I'm also allergic to psych meds, so there's no help there.

I'm hoping that forcing myself to post what I am experiencing will help me to identify the problem so I can do something to alleviate these feelings and move beyond them. Would appreciate any insights and suggestions. lynn09

please dont be so hard on yourself. theres a saying if the shoe fits wear it if it dont throw it out or give it away. do you like every book that a friend of yours reads, di you like all the same foods that others around you like? you are you and not everyone can do the same things. If coming here is causing you to have panic attacks and problems then maybe nows not the right time for you to be here, just like now may not be the right time for you to read "aunt martha's" favorite book called dating rules for the victorian era, or eat your mothers favorite pigs feet delight. just because there are posts here saying how good this place is and there are lots of posts of people saying how much this website has helped them doesn't mean it helps everyone and that everyone thinks its the place to be. just because coming here works for some people doesn't mean its going to work for everyone that comes here. there is nothing wrong with saying I cant do this right now and finding something else that will work for you.