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Originally Posted by velcro003
I'm late to this thread, Blue...but this resonated with me. I have reacted rather strongly to other moms and their kids. I work in a youth program, so I see it often. There have been a few times where I felt like crying at something so sweet and tender between a mom and her kid. Like when their kid is sick and they will rush in all worried and immediately comfort them. It always has baffled me, but I just want to push it away. I don't want to think that I react that way because I missed out on that in some way.
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Velcro- this is how I feel often. There are times when my reaction is small, subtle and private and there are other times when I can feel myself getting teary. Or there are those times watching a mother and her baby gives me a warm feeling. When I am with my children in that way I feel almost jealous of myself and those tender, sweet loving moments can bring tears to my eyes.
I have the same difficulty connecting it to my childhood. And this is the primary way that I know I must have sad, hurt feelings about my mother because I dont remember ever feeling sad or hurt. She was abusive, but I dont remember wanting her to be another way. Or caring. I remember anger. And that is where I am at. For now.
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I fight it. All the time. Its harder for me to accept that my mom was anything but a great parent, because I don't really remember much and because I know there was never any abuse. So how can I complain? It is tough. Sigh. It IS going to be a long road, and I wish I knew how to connect to feelings, because I don't.
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Velcro, I want to give you a big hug
I dont like tha "a" word. I dont like calling my mother's behavior abusive. Not because I thought she was a great mother, but because Im sure thought of her being abusive in any way to her children would be a ridiculous thought to her. Im sure she thought she wasnt perfect, but abusive? Never. And your mom was probably a good mother, but there could have been something that you felt you wanted but didnt get from her since you get these feelings when you see mothers and small kids.
What is it that you feel they are getting that you want?