SpcL,
usual disclaimer of jmo/jme

Please don't compare your experiences with those of anyone else...that is also a bit of a giveaway re PTSD.
We tend to minimize/belittle our own experiences, and that can generate shame and guilt.
And big time confusion...

Casual mention of the time frame and "only in three real ticks" belies the affect it has had on you. Trying to balance it out with the event with the tea and kids is helpful, but it does not take away being on alert, what I call high alert because we know full well that in a nano second that situation can change.
Jmo, but I think you may have witnessed more than you know--loss of memory, possibly. Not aware of the intensity of a situation, very likely.

You are no slacker, SpcL.
A man of courage and honor, yes.
Please do not think you don't deserve the benefits due you.
You earned every one of them...every one.

Were you speaking of chat here at PC or IAVA?
Personally, I find my needs are met better in a chat designed for Vets, PTSD in general has many commonalities but Combat PTSD has it's separate issues.

Please keep checking in...you do not have to do this alone...unless that is your choice.
Ya got people willing to stand with you as you start this new journey.

In Peace