I feel my T does take responsibility. It's a two-way relationship, so it would be kind of yucky if only one person ever took responsibility (kind of like my failed marriage), so I'm glad he is an equal player. Like with countertransference--he definitely owns it when it happens. He will label it and tell me. He's very honest. I am not left to wonder, "what is going on?" My T has apologized to me before when he needed to, and I have apologized to him too. I remember the first time I felt I had to apologize he said you don't have to do that. But I did. How could I not? That would be a weird relationship--to never apologize when you screw up. I wouldn't want that, and after that he never told me not to apologize again. He just accepts it graciously. And I try to accept his graciously too. There have also been times when we discussed what happened previously in therapy, and he has said things almost as if he was thinking out loud, "hmmm, I can see why you would think that. Next time I should try this instead and then X would happen instead of Y and you would not end up such and such..." I feel like I am getting to hear his clinician's mind at work when he talks like that, and I learn how he is always striving to be a better therapist and improve his technique. I like that.

What is that orientation? It seems like it would be difficult to have much reciprocity with that approach. Ripley, like you, I would not like this approach at all!

I want my T to treat me as he would anyone and not try to avoid my triggers. Those are things I need to work on, not avoid. I don't want him to have to walk on eggshells around me. When I have been triggered in therapy by something he said or did, we have learned a lot.

I feel this way about my T too. He has really modeled good communication and relationship skills for me. I have learned so much. Still learning....