Sad... wow. You have indeed fought a hard and long battle. I don't get much time to read forums - thankfully work had some down time yesterday :-) But if you post the dreams that are most troubling, maybe I can see them and offer whatever I can for you to consider. Anytime a dream is repeating itself, the subconscious is trying to relay information that it does not think you are getting. Usually, once you "get" the true meaning of the dream and bring it forward, the dream will almost totally stop. Mission accomplished.

For example, over the past 20 yrs I would have nightmares that I killed someone as a child and somehow the evidence was hidden under my bed or in my room or I had written details of it in a journal and burried it but then someone finds it and I am terrified of going to jail for the crime. This dream wore me out and happened at least once every few weeks for years. uggg.

Finally this year in therapy I was able to uncover the truth about a CSA event where I was a witness to the crime but dissociated and when the police asked me about it, I honestly had no idea that I witnessed the crime. !!! I have a dx of DID but didn't know it at the time ( I was only 17) . As you can see, the dream symbols were showing me that my subconscious had a secret that it was afraid of someone finding out about. Consciously, I was totally confused as to what that dream ment. And for a while, I actually thought maybe I did kill somoene and just didn't know I did it!! UGGG !!! After I uncovered the hidden secret, the dream made perfect sense. And that nightmare has not returned. T and I think it will not come back now. Case closed.

The dream of the figers over your eyes actually gives me a sense of your attempts to protect yourself from what you saw. Because it looks like bars in a way, you may think the bars are keeping you locked inside... but remember a jail can serve two purposes. One purpose is to keep someone inside from escaping. But the other purpose is to keep those on the outside from comming inside.

Reds in a dream are colors of anger and action. Pink is female energy. So the mom on the outside makes sense. To me, it sounds like your subconscious is appolozing in a way saying "I tried to keep her out and keep you safe, but my hands were too small. You saw through the fingers."

Just stuff to think about :-)