I guess I just need to complain.
Tomorrow night is the get-together for the group I took a month-long trip with back in May. I'm feeling socially anxious and somewhat bpd about these people, and don't feel I can handle the stress of going - particularly since we can bring a friend/date, and I certainly don't have one to bring. I have no idea who will be there, and I'm most likely to end up feeling very alone, misplaced, and inadequate.
Like last night, when I joined my church college small group - 4 other girls - for a movie. It was ok during the movie, but the time following that was awful, and since I was relying on rides since my car's wreaked (another complaint - I feel so immobile and stuck...), I couldn't leave. I just sat there feeling very out-of-place and alone.
And today was rather pessimistic... rising costs of living and no-news-is-good-news issues... the future is frightful and extremely unpredictable - but the safest bet is to average up past trends - which suggest it'll only get worse from here. My depression's gotten worse, my faith's gotten worse, my living costs' gotten worse, my family's situation's gotten worse, the world has gotten worse, and there really isn't much to live for.

I hate being stuck here... I can't ask for help and I can't risk taking my own way because if I fail I'll have messed up my only chance for a short-term future plan - having school structure to get me by. So I've just got to wait it out... somehow.