Thank you very much TheByzantine! for the kind words!

I can see what you are saying. You are right.

However, it is not that I feel inadequate. Its hard to explain. I dont feel that I have to compete successfully all the time. I can certainly deal with loosing.

Wher this originates? well - maybe this is with my demanding mother and on a different front but still, demanding father.

I recently started thinking that my rebelion was not to achieve the best scores I could in high school. It was not bad but it was not as good as I could get had I studied. Kind of a passive agressive reaction...

My mother was very demanding on the behavioural front and my father with achievement. So I am the successful career person that I am but still have not achieved my other personal goals. Maybe this is linked in some way...

I am thinking 'out loud' on this post now...

Thanks again!