I am a 29 year old female. I just recently had a falling out with a couple that were both super close friends of mine. While, it's not an excuse, I do suffer from depression and have taken a lot out on them. I am not proud of myself and hate myself for what I did. I sent them both an email telling them I understand why they cut me out of their life and I am using this experience as a wake up call about changing. I am serious about it. They have not responded and I don't expect them too. We also have some mutual friends that won't respond to me either. In the email, they made it clear they want no more communication with me. But has anyone ever had an experience like this where one friend forgave the other one?

It's also hard, because I am trying hard to make changes in my life because of this loss but I still feel guilty and hate myself for how I treated them. I've lost many friends in the process and I don't want to hate myself anymore.