I've been thinking about this for a while and am finally posting. Why is it so much easier for my brain to assume the negative or worst possible outcome? Why does my brain have sad thoughts easier than happy thoughts? Why when I have happy thoughts do I still feel like I'm fighting the sad thoughts away, that if I don't keep fighting them they will just eat me up. I never get a break from them. I have to catch myself automatically going there. I just want a break from the negative thoughts hanging over my head. Even when I feel better, I don't really feel better because I'm always having to watch out for it coming back. Because it always comes back. I want to be like other people and be able to enjoy my life. I spend my life hoping that I will have enough energy to do things. Planning for when that energy will allow me to do things not necessary (ie have fun). UGH!