When bad things like this happen to us, it's important that we get the professional help to work through it after opening up to your parents. It takes awhile to build up trust with a theapist. I might say that this might really be a very good thing to get you talking with a therapist cause it sounds like you have more things than this going on in your life by what you say here:

Sometimes good things come from bad experiences & we end up getting help for more than what we realized we needed help with.

I am so glad you opened up here. I remember when I was young, when bad things happened, they would eat away inside of me until I would get sick before I was willing to let them out (or could figure out how to let them out).

When someone goes ahead and takes advantage of us when we have said NO, like they have told you, that is considered rape. But we have to be very careful not to allow ourselves to get into those kind of situations in the future. Not so easy to initially when we are rather confused about life. Sometimes we have to use these horrible situations as a learning experience.....we learn who we can trust & who we don't trust & don't let ourselves spend time with those we don't trust or even don't think we can trust if nothing more than to protect ourselves until we have more confidence in our judgment.

Hopefully if this happened before, it won't happen again. That is why therapy is so very important it sounds like you need some outside help to get a better understanding of yourself. It is good that you hate what he did to you......those are the values you need to hold onto. No we can't change what happened, but we can make sure it doesn't happen again.

Sex is not something to do for recreation, as a thing to do like going to a movie. It is a very important thing that we need to hold onto & make sure it's only with the one special person in your life. It's tough to be strong & hold onto our values when so many around us are pushing us not to.

Glad you were able to post here.....it is a great place to get valuable input & wonderful support. Everyone has had such wonderful thing to say here & glad you have receiver such valuable support. This is not the end of your world even though it sort of feels like it for awhile. Sadly, many times we end up going throug some horrible things in order to figure out in our own minds what we really believe to be right & wrong for us. I am sorry you had to go through this to get to that point.

Keep posting & letting your feelings out......it will be wonderful help along with good Therapy IRL....you will come through this & be able to sleep again & have a good relationship with a boyfriend in the future.

Take care,
eskielover