My life was fine last year, probably better than ever, summer 2009 was probably the best summer of my life. Family was all healthy, i was carefree, everything was going good. Then September came, it was time for me to start highschool. I came from a school of 180 kids TOTAL from grades K-8. So it was a big change, i got used to it but a lot of my friends went to different highschools so i really had no one..My bestfriend changed completely and we kinda grew apart, i made new friends and all but...ya know. Within the first month of school, my godfather had a stroke and the doctors gave him no hope. No one thought he would make it, but thank god he's still alive today althought he can't talk and is paralyzed from the whole right side of his body. a week after the news about my godfather..my 17 year old cousin was in a car accident and died..this..basically changed everything. at first i didnt react to it. I thought i'd wake up and everything would be a nightmare. untill the day of her viewing and funeral. i was a mess. it killed me to see her..like she was asleep..but i lost it when i realized she would never wake up. I constantly have dreams of her and i just wanna break down sometimes but i know i can't because of people around. No one knows about this, the only time anyone saw me cry was at the funeral and viewing. A month later..a girl in my class passed away from a sudden illness, i didnt know her THAT well but it was still sad...but wait theres more...my grandmother then broke her rib and shes in a TON of pain..i cant stand seeing her lying in bed all day long..this has gotten my dad really stressed out..my brother and sister constantly fight, my grades are slipping and i just cant look at anything in a positive way anymore. Every morning i wake up and hope everything is just a nightmare..but its not. I dont even WANT to wake up in the morning anymore..I've tried looking at things in a positive way but i cant. I usually dont get worked up over boys and stuff but the same guy i've liked since i was probably about 7 years old! now has a girlfriend, he's 3 years older than me. I know i should just give up on him but i've been holding on for so long. i just i cant and i dont WANT to. nothing is going right. and now i return to school after holiday break and its the same routine day after day after day..i want summer, i just wanna be able to drive and go wherever i want. I just want everything to be okay again..