Hello & Welcome, Bias Logic!

Quite a post, but you needed to get that out. You might want to save what you've written for future personal reference and for therapists.

I read most of it, and, as I'm no good with relationship advice, it was the altercation with your father that stood out to me. That incident and your family's whole history with your father are things you may wish to explore.

Good for you that you've reached out for help. Keep us updated on how your treatment develops.