You are right, the strength to want to heal & to heal has more to do than just be found. There has to be a desire for it before it can be found & there has to be the right mind set to find it also.

Having all this negatives around you, a desire to be perfect , or just to make others happy, sound like you have some things that need to get in order & work on if they are keeping you from doing it for yourself. When there are things going on in our life that are keeping us from being healthy, then those are the things we need to work on if we can't on our own, then work on them in therapy.

Look like you have a whole list of things to work on with a therapist that you have going on between several of your posts. Maybe you should make a list of them & take them with you to therapy & start to work on them since they are your list of things that are keeping you from getting better.

Something you might think about doing.....hoping that you will come to the point in your life where you are able to change these things & get well

Debbie