I'll definitely take care of the dog at night from now on.

I am just so sick of what is going on in my house. It seems like everything he does is pissing me off lately. Or, more accurately, I am pissed off and projecting onto his behaviors.

Lying is a big deal to me. If I can't trust someone, I don't want to be around them. I find it toxic.

If we didn't have kids, I think the relationship would have been over quickly after our problems started. Granted, I was seeing everything through an unmedicated bipolar lens. My older son has already been through a divoorce when he was a baby an only gets to see his dad every couple of weeks. I couldn't do that to him again. He loves my husband like a dad. I couldn't do it to my younger son who is all about Daddy, and honestly, I couldn't do it to my husband who would not only be devestated at the prospect of losing his kids, but who would also fight for custody.

So I am stuck feeling unsafe. (Not in a physical way, and I don't mean to diminish what anyone goes through in an abusive relationship)

I have talked about this stuff with him before in a calm and understanding way. The last time I caught him in a small lie, I told him that I appreciate honesty and although we might argue a little at the time, it is healthier and won't damage the relationship. In fact, I have said this to him several times after catching him in a lie.

It's almost like he can't help it and learned it to survive in his childhood. (His dad is ultra-controlling) I ahve told him that I am not his Dad and I will not go for the jugular when he wants or doesn't want to do something. We may have a discussion or a disagreement, but I won't claw his eyes out.

But, lying makes me want to claw his eyes out and walk out the door. Sick of it.

Sorry for such a long post.