WW,

It is wonderful that you are there when you can be for your friends & also know when you need some self time so that you can be there later for others.

I know that I have always tried to be there for people I know & even those I don't, who I see need help...not taking into consideration what effect it may have on me (not always a healthy risk, but don't usually look at the risk until it is over).

I remember driving along a busy road at a lunch break from work. This older man was walking with groceries in his arms, stumbled & fell on the curb as he was crossing the street. There were many people around that just stood there & watched him. I stopped my car & went back to help him up, picked up his groceries (which were full of liquor bottles), & helped him to his appartment. I could smell some liquor on his breath but he needed help getting home. I went back to his appartment a few days later to check in on him & he didn't remember a thing.....at least he got home safe that time.

There was another time, very late at night when I was driving home from work, this guy was standing by his car that he had driven over the curb & damaged it somehow. It was dark, no street lights.....I stopped to see if I could do anything or if he had any help coming. He ended up needing a ride home & yes, he had a little too much to drink before landing his car over the curb. We chatted a little on the way home, but I helped him get home late at night from a street where few cars were on. I never even thought of any consequenses at the time I picked him up....guess that may be why I go ahead & do things....if I think about all the possibilities, I probably wouldn't do many of the things I do.

I also remember being there for the guy I dated in college just before I met my husband. Just after I got married, his father had a stroke & he needed someone to talk to that would support the amount of time & therapy he was giving to his father to help him recover. Later he got married & his first wife left him (I kinda know why because he is very controlling). He needed a shoulder to cry on & it was ok...he was always a good friend. He later got married again & they went to Las Vegas.....I took my flute & played their wedding music for them. Just after his son was born, he had a massive brain anurasim. They were just moving out of their appartment into a condo & there was so much work that needed to be taken care of & his wife wanted to be with him along with caring for their new born son. I took over cleaning everything & getting their condo set up to be moved into without any problem. We hadn't had communications for a few years except when his parents died & when my father died. I called him a couple of years ago & we planned on getting back together after the first of that year. I heard nothing & called only to find out that he was very sick again. They were wondering what was wrong & if the anurism was coming back. We stopped by to visit & found out that he had non-hodgkins lymphoma (initially thought it was stomach cancer). Before I knew it, he died. I spent quite a bit of time with his wife.....we had a lot to talk about along with the marriage situation....she needed so much support & now her son was in high school. It was great to see how many people from her church provided food & support too.

It was only 6 months after that when my Mother was dying of cancer & she was there to support me also. I never realized how important is was to have that kind of support.....I never had been the one needing it. I now know how much it means to have people there when you are going through a rough time & appreciate it so much.

The other night I wondered if I should be helpful. I came out of the store late at night.....a lady asked me for a ride to where she lived....I wondered why she was out alone that late at night & told me that the person that was going to pick her up had a migraine. After going through the problems with the RN that did the ID theft on my mother when she was dying, I have now stopped & started thinking about the possibilities that could happen to me if I do something.....but I ignored my brain & took her home anyway.....made sure she got into her appartment complex safely thinking that someone else could have harmed her on her way home if I hadn't taken her myself. I did sigh in relief that nothing happened to me now I am thinking more about the possibilities.

I called my Mothers cousin that I hadn't talked to since her funeral....who is also way up in years. He was very close to my Mother & came to see her just before she died. I wanted to keep in touch because my family is now very small & no one really close. He kept thanking me for taking his arm & walking him across the uneven wet grass at the cemetary for my Mothers funeral. He kept saying how nice it was that I took my time to take care of making sure he was ok. To be quite honest, I really don't remember it, but it is surprising how the little things we do are remembered & appreciated by others.

I think the saddest thing that happened when my Mother was dying was that I felt like I had to keep her boyfriend away from her because he was a neighbor of the RN that did all the damage to my Mother & I. All I wanted to do was protect her & myself from the RN & everyone was on my case about the fact that she needed him in her life at that point & how I was being mean & controlling to do what I did. Sometimes it comes down to us having to do what we think is best even though it causes some problems....need to weigh out the options.

There are times also where we need to take care of someone else even though it harms us & we need to throw self care out the window....I know I needed to be with my Mother & calm her down & answer questions when she needed to talk. Sometimes that is part of weighing our priorities. That decision landed me in the hospital for several months but was allowed to leave to take care of those things for my Mother that couldn't be done from the hospital. I was there even at the end even though it was 2 hours before she died.....I can't beat myself up because I wasn't there at the very last minute...I tried to be there when it counted. Sometimes we can only do our best & we need to realize that it is enough.

Hope I didn't sound like I was tooting my horn about helping people....no way meant that way, only as examples I have experienced. It really feels good when you can make a difference in someones life, when you can be there for them.....& I also am experiencing the appreciation I have for those who help me through the rough times I have been having. Help that is given without expecting something it return is probably the most wonderful, satisfying feeling I have experienced. It does give one the warm fuzzies.

Debbie