We perceive this post as being so many questions in one and so multilayered within ourself/ves that even though we mulled it over for days we seem not to have a complete picture for a response. What we do know is that we do still do a bit of self harm (scratching)...and that we never quite catch a glimpse of who it is...other than to say the ones that caused us this harm walked around in silence, no words too. There were behaviours, mannerisms and physical actions but silent...so when coming to write words there is nothing there, getting to them and their condemning is more than tough. So our therapist has a name for these looks, which we cannot remember at this moment. They are the looks children get when they know they are not to tell or else. Well when we tell, we notice there is a need to punish hence the picking. So, we would love the music, like you did Anderson, for these parts or something b/c they slip away as if into the shadows. Our little Chicklet came to the fore but these silent, so called protective alters keep us somewhat locked up still but we are working on it. As we type, we kind of see this alter but we don't really love her too much, she must not be allowed to cause us to scratch but having said we still do under certain stressors, so looks like she needs our attention.
As for the male or female alters, there does not seem to be a problem with accepting them for their masculinity or feminity, perhaps because we had worked this out with our t and with ourselves earlier on for the most part. But, there was a time we experienced much shame and fear but not so much of that now based on female/male. When we started to see the different male or female parts we saw why our behaviour was the way it was at times in the past but we also saw how everyone pitched in to help because of what was needed at the time.
Omg, is this making any sense...will need to read later to see. Anyway there is just one other level we care to address here and that is the darkside of the perpetrators behaviour and how we are only able to shine the light on them as we found our great light of the truth...even then it still takes time though.
Keep shining the light in the darkness, we pray, for self and for anyone else who would like.
Thanks for asking the hard questions Anderson....
Quote:
Originally Posted by anderson
We be talking inside and some of the small ones asked the bigger’s this question. Why are some of us girls and other boys? The weird part was this just was not the Dalmatians cause once it got into the system we had folks from all age groups wondering why we be so different yet be from the same source. In truth I don’t know but we passed the question around and this is the best answer that we as a whole have come up with. But we also ask for other to share their views we are only one system in sharing this we hope others will share so we may be able to find a better understanding of why we are the way we are.
One of the loudest question was “How can we be that which hurt us?” Now My body was hurt by both Male and female parties that chose to feed the dark side of their nature. The first thing we had to explain was that it does not matter the physical sex of a person. Both male and female bodies has the ability to cause harm if their spirit is not one with the light. We told them the story of the Two Wolves, one is of the light and the other is of the dark. Each of us has these two life forces in us. It is the persons intent that will show if they are feeding the white wolf or the dark wolf in their nature. For those that still had fear of sharing time with each other we asked them to close their eyes so that they could no longer see the other parts. WE played music to calm there fears. Then We asked them do any of you feel the darkness of those that have hurt us in the past. WE did this until they all felt the inner peace. When they all said that the darkness was not near them any longer they were able to feel safe with other parts. Later, WE hope that they will feel the same way with outsiders as well. The hardest part is to learn to judge each person by their chooses and their actions not to just say that just because a person did this that all would do it.
…… We also went over the fact that each one here was created to help protect the whole. That at the time that they were each created that something was happening to make the soul feel that a boy or girl spirit would be able to handle better then the other. Each sex has their own gifts and abilities to share with the whole. When each one is able to be seen for those gifts. This will allow not only each part to feel safe with each other but also allow each part to feel valued by the others. During the healing process parts may hurt the body out of FEAR, These are all emotions and actions of a part not able to show or feel love. It is only by mirroring love to those parts that we can stop the cycle of inner abuse. For those of us that where created to hold the emotions of the trauma this is the hardest of all for them to accept that they to are worthy of love and respect.
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