Speaking as a women who suffers depression that cost me my relationship..... responding to your last question 'Why no apology'.... Often shame plays a part in it and often being so self absorbed when in the worst of it that there is no recollection of how badly one behaves. When there is a level period one does not want to get caught up thinking back and risking the shame and regret that could trigger a cycle back into the depression.

My partner grew very weary of my mood swings and eventually we split before it cost us our friendship too. I wish looking back that we were able to get help together and maybe we could have prevented the breakup. Maybe we could have learned some communication skills and developed some coping strategies that would have helped us tackle the problem together. Instead the illness pushed us apart as each of us positioned ourselves in opposite corners. Hurt, angry, frustrated and feeling the victim. Fighting each other instead of the illness until we could not hold on to the unraveling threads of our relationship.

If you and your wife, like us, are not comfortable with seeking outside help together or even if you are.... it may be useful for you to seek your own help. Coming here is a good first step because at least here you can release some stuff and be heard but perhaps there are other resources you can add that can help you cope. I know my ex confided in friends and that was a big support to him but it had its limits since they had no experience with coping with someone like me. I used to give him articles and books to read to help him understand the illness but I know he didn't read many of them. I knew of a support group of people living with people with mental illness but he was not up for that either.

I take my full share of responsibility for our break up. I didn't, still don't comply with treatments that can perhaps ease my suffering like I could or should. I often allow my illness to control my life without trying to fight it. I often feel defeated and helpless and be damned anyone who tries to help me. I would often rather fade into nothingness than rise and fall one more time. It is just easier sometimes to give up the fight with the depression and internalize or transfer all that pain and rage onto someone else or back onto myself. The after effects of shame and regret then just feed the illness and round and round it goes.

I hope you can hang in until she levels off again and perhaps then you can have a discussion about strategies for moving forward. It is good she is seeking help. Find out how you can be a part of that help for yourself, for supporting her and for strengthening your partnership.

I also hope someone who has walked or who is in your shoes comes online or into your life so that you fell less alone with this heavy load you are carrying. There is hope to hang on to. Many couples survive to tell wonderful stories of healing, recovery and a deepened love.

Bless you and may the days ahead bring healing and renewal for you and your wife. Take time to yourself to be as healthy and balanced as you possibly can. Don't allow her illness to isolate you from the world or you may find yourself caught in the illness yourself. Take good care of you so that you may be able to endure the challenges that are still ahead of you.

Thank you for sharing.