Wow what a great reflection. Your marriage was not healthy but did provide you with some external limits that you needed or wanted. Maybe now you can decide that you're going to set some of those limits only this time internally so their in place no matter who your with.

Again I can't help seeing some similarities in my own journey. A month or so ago I told my T that I felt like someone who had boxed herself in with barriers to prevent myself from messing up, embarrassing myself, hurting others, and letting the wild "evil" part of me run amuck. I had created a safe little world where I was protected from myself and everyone was protected from me. I then said now that I've realized that the barriers I created are mine and that they can be moved back or totally taken down, I'm starting to encounter other problems. Mainly, deciding where to place the boundary after I decide to move it.

Like you I HAD major discomfort and issues with touch. I've recently did some very difficult work with my touch issues. At least with regard to safe, non-sexual touch the results have been,...well amazing, and a whole new world has opened up for me. The problem I'm having now is figuring out where my new personal touch boundries should be and to consider the impact this new world might have on my existing relationships. Also with regard to touch I'm now starting to encounter situations were I have now decide what does safe touch mean to me now. Is this touch situation OK or not OK? Before I just avoided touch all together and didn't have to make these more difficut choices.

I'm finding now that the hardest thing about opening myself up is NOT in having the guts to risk pushing on an existing barriers. Its realizing that its moveable and then having to figure out where I want it moved to.

MEU, so sorry that you're having to deal with the ****** end of this process. But I guess you can't figure out what you want without sometimes experiencing what you don't want.

At least you've taken steps to allow yourself the freedom to look for and explore healthier relationships. That's progress IMHO.