I am completely lost, confused and alone. I e-mailed my mom a week ago, finally admitting to my depression and my SI and told her I'm taking anti-depressants. She acknowledged she got the email and said we'd talk about it. I've been going to her house more than usual cause I don't know what to do with myself. She still hasn't said anything to me about it. I don't want to push the issue right now, cause there's other family problems going on...So I don't want to add to the problems.

I've been taking Zoloft for 9 days. Today is day 10 and I'm supposed to double my dosage starting today. I'm absolutely dreading having to take more of the medication. The side effects are horrible. Words can't begin to describe how I feel. I truly feel like I'm falling apart. I feel empty, angry and depressed. I am at the lowest point I've ever been. I try to push on, telling myself it will get better. It isn't. Everyday I feel worse than the day before. SI makes me feel better temporarily... But I'm trying not to do that. I got my sisters hotel party coming up in less than 2 weeks and need the SI marks to heal & fade before that as everyone will expect me to swim with the kids.

Spring semester starts on Sunday. I'm not looking forward to going back to school. I'm supposed to graduate in May, but don't even know if I can push through this last semester with the way I feel. I have officially reached rock bottom and am close to giving up.

Any tips, advice, stories or a would be appreciated. Sorry for ranting..... Just don't know what to do with myself...