Gee it is hard to answer. Do you have any idea why your ex-wife acted the way she did ? She wasn't sure she loved you, she aboted your child. That's usually a bad sign, right ? Maybe she is just not capable of loving anybody. You cannot solve her problems and it is generous to feel sorry for her, but it is perfectly understandable tthat you feel glad as well that she is being punished for all the pain she inflicted you and others. Despite the fact that she hurt so many people she never looked for help ? She must have seen the consequences of her actions at some point. Not everything can be explained by her father. You turned out well adjusted, didn't you ?
One always wonders : did I do something wrong ? Could I have "saved" her ? Didn't she love me ? Wasn't I good enough ? etc... Those are normal questions.
Only you and her know the answer. Maybe you need to clarify that with her, just to get some closure. Maybe it well help her too. It is not a betrayal of your new partner. You lived with this woman. It is OK to want to know what this part of your life meant to move on.
Last week I met a childhood friend at the swimming pool. She told me right away about my school sweetheart (a screwed-up guy). I realized that in the last 15 years I have always asked myself what I did wrong, what I could have done better and did he love me ? How ?
She told me she believed he was interested in me but that he was just too screwed up to really love a woman. I felt so relieved after all this time. I couldn't have done anything better ! It was him ! Not me ! I don't love him anymore of course but you feel like a fool. You think you were living in a world of illusions. But it was "just" a basic lack of love. Whatever the reasons for that, they had nothing to do with me.
Of course I thought about this story because of my current experience (bad past experiences work like a warning device for the best and for the worst). What brought that up for you ? Your daughter ?
I hope I have learned from this. Is it necessary to "kick" these people, to find out what they are about, if they really love you ? It seems so since your patience was not rewarded. An alcoholic doesn't seek help unless you kick him/her out the house, but this can mean that that person finds out, that he/she doesn't love you. At least then you have the truth right away. Were you understanding to avoid the truth ? Did she feel trapped ? Does she look on purpose for partners she doesn't love ? Anyway, it is not your responsability. Enjoy your life and don't feel guily to do so.