Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
I have many, many barriers when it comes to touch, and it's hard to imagine them going away - which leads me in awful directions when it comes to intimacy with a man, as a form of self-protection. Ugh.
I don't know how to attract a healthy person....My life has been nothing but dysfunction. I don't know any other way....
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All very good things to work on. I had to work on touch and I went slow. I would suggest that if you find yourself in a situation where it feels like it is getting out of hand, leave the situation. You can eventually work through all of this but it will take time. For myself, in any of the relationship problems that I worked through I had to be 1) exposed to it, 2) gather info (what am I thinking, fearing, feeling, triggering), 3) process this info away from the situation in therapy, etc., 4) come up with new insights, options, plans, etc., and then 5) try it again. But you have to bail out of the situation if it is getting out of your control or comfort zone.
Being around healthy people is a very good goal. I had to work through this. I would think that the first step would be to bail out of any unhealthy situations and keep looking for those healthy ones. Something that I learned on my journey was that we shy away from healthy relationships because healthy people can see you and they look at you and when you have only known dysfunction these eyes upon you make you squirm. We squirm because the dysfunctional people that we are so used to being around, they can't see us. They are too busy with themselves and their needs so we can hide right out in plain sight with our low self worth and no one sees us - just the way that helps us to feel "comfortable". This must be worked through though and it can be worked through.