Hi Pimprenelle,

Yes, I left my new address with my first daughter when she said she didn't want a relationship. I steeled myself and wrote her a very warm and kind letter, saying that 'I would always be available'. I am very wary of making a move towards her though as I know that her mother is in the background somewhere, and the influence from her has been toxic to say the least.

Maybe to rationalise what she did, my first wife painted me in the worst possible light to my daughter, attributing any weaknesses she had to me. R. told me that her mother would say 'You're just like your father' if they had any problems. In the few hours we had together, I did a lot of nodding and smiling, but at one point I did suggest, ever so gently, that maybe things hadn't been exactly as she had been told. That was when the shutters closed, and I sensed then that R. would go away. She had to believe her mother's stories, for that was her core relationship, what else could she do? The damage had all been done.

Dottie - you said about 'bad mojo'. I am afraid that somehow the bad mojo could get into my present situation, and I would end up back in the nightmare. I have a superstition that there is a kind of reverse 'midas touch' at work here. My first daughter R. knew that she had a half sister, and might want to meet her one day, but she was so full of pain (and a great deal of anger - so much anger ) - I was afraid. I didn't discourage her, not at all, but I was afraid.

My second daughter,E. who has actually had me as a father, is such a happy, happy, young person. I would do anything to protect her, even from my own sad past. The question is still about trust, I have no confidence at all that my first wife would deal honourably with me, and I don't know R. as a person, I only know that she is my biological daughter.

M.