Garden, I am so glad you are reaching out and asking questions and reading and answering. My comment to you about your statements being disjointed I think are based on the way you wrote your post. I was trying to put a kind of picture together of your life with just the basic info and it kind of seems like you are trying to share so much pain and need that it kind of gets like all the words are trying to get out at once. It sounds courageous to reach out and be able to read and accept feedback and not letting your fear stop you. But you are doing it. Just like you said, you do things out of your comfort zone...very brave. Once in a while I come across an "ubber post" that draws me in. Usually the post attracts a lot of readers and posters with so much info and feedback. Lots of people wanting to help...sometimes the help and questions can seem overwhelming...this seems like one of those posts. This is a good thing because we care. We know what it is like to feel friendless. Come join us.