i read and reread your posts.....knowing you as i do, i was stunned to read about your past......how brave of you to share all of this with us......my opinion is that you have handled the situation with R in the best way possible......leaving the door open for her should she need you...but as you say, your first wife is somewhere lurking....can you love without trust? i would say yes.....you can love other aspects of a person but ultimately without the trust the relationship will fail as was the case with you and your first wife....my advice would be to leave the past in the past....from all that you have told me you have a marvelous wife and daughter and a good life.....embrace it.....for sure you deserve the happiness that they give you....