Wow, I read your story and it SO reminded me of my own story with my first relationship. Only I was the girl, and my relationship was a long-distance one. And my boyfriend was the percussionist/gamer and we were both high-achiever AP type people.
We were together for 4 years, and I really put him through a lot of grief with my depression and personal decisions that I made. I can only say that your first relationship is very VERY hard to let go of, especially for people like us that are very analytical problem-solvers and sincere. It's hard for us to just "let go" lightly.
Nearly 3 years after that breakup (I was 20 then), I can say that it was the right decision even though at the time I thought we were going to get married and live happily ever after. People change so Much in their early 20's, and that's a good thing.
I needed to focus on me, and my depression and anxiety, and we needed to disentangle ourselves from one another and see what else was out there, not just for dating others, but for everything.
Things were very awkward for us after the breakup, but we still talked on the phone. I eventually stopped answering his calls, which was mean, but I needed to break away and he did too but he was never going to unless I did. It felt like my heart was ripping out, but I had held on to the relationship for longer than I should have anyways.
After time, I hear that he is doing well and has really come out of his shell without our codependent relationship. I never thought he would be out of my life, but what I'm trying to tell you is that IT CAN BE DONE AND YOU CAN MOVE ON, whether you stay friends or not.
I would encourage you to seek professional help--counseling is free and easy if you are in school--and to do it consistently. I hope this was sort of encouraging. You can PM if you want to talk more about the relationship thing--