Thanks to everyone for the insightful responses. The comments about being self absorbed ring true.

This is a dark time. Every time it gets like this I live in fear of what rash decisions might be made that could destroy my family.

I have no control over what will happen to us. That makes me fearful. The fear turns to anger when I realize how selfish a choice it is to attack the people that love you, to inflict pain on them, because if makes you feel just a little better.

Will there ever be "normal" again?