Michele~

You know all bout what I've gone through...the ex n all the drama while there, his behavior toward me....blah blah...(much like Jerry is now?), and that I finally, after a year of planning, got out.

I've been gone since August....rite? (DANG....5 months already...how time flies when there is some peace to be had....lmao)...Anyway, since I've left, the ex went through his share of changes...which I knew was inevitable, but to the degree of his changes has surprised me greatly, (altho I always hoped the best for him, never thought he had it in him TO find better for himself).
He finally got himself into counselling FOR himself....to try to get to the root of all his previous issues, which existed long before me. And so far, he's doing wonderfully...a changed man.

I guess my point to this response is, that sometimes one needs to be forced into a position to HAVE to look at self as the source of an existing issue, (rather than to target a nearby loved one....such as the case with Jerry toward you).
As you know, he is the cause, his behavior is the effect and you are the convenient target. How you REact to his actions is something that is being forced upon you. Not your fault.

I can only hope that he will be responsive to counselling FOR himself, but if it requires you to encourage him there, then so be it...so long as he's aware that it's HIS issues that require attending.
He has to be willing to want to seek self-improvement &/or change. So long as he continues to address you as the problem for his present issues, I don't see much hope with that....just more money spent needlessly, unless, of course you receive benefit from it.

Gawd, I hope this works out for you. You so deserve the best.

Mary