So we finally spoke, really spoke, for 3 1/2 hours. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I finally got out everything I needed to say. Telling her she didn't even work on our relationship. Telling her how some of the things she said and did made me feel. Just spilling every little thing that had been brewing inside me. It hurt to say, but I kept my composure and handled it well I believe.

She told me she just couldn't deal with it anymore. She thought I had given up hope on myself after losing my job. She said she felt like I had nothing in my life but her. She felt I didn't have any dreams other than being with her. My answer was naturally that that WAS all I ever dreamed of. All I want out of life is a girl that loves me as much as I love her, a decent house, enough money to pay the bills and maybe a vacation every year or so. That is my dream. I'm not a kid anymore, I can't dream of being an astronaut or Michael Jordan. I told her when I needed her most and reached my hand out the furthest she pulled hers away.

I just don't think men are supposed to understand women. She left me because I loved her too much? Because I needed her when I fell on hard times? Because I couldn't provide for her? For centuries there have been countless love stories about couples that have just enough to feed themselves, but their love sustains them. Couples that endure tragedy and come out stronger because of it. They grow old together, still getting by on little to nothing. Yet these couples are the happiest you'll find on this planet. I feel like the possibility of that type of love was taken from me, but I will persevere.

We did not fight or argue. It was very civil, and suprisingly she listened to what I had to say. I get the feeling from her that some of the feelings are still there. Just some of the little things she said, some of her responses, her memories of us. It sounds like she was unsure of all of this and somewhat pushed into a breakup. But now, I'm really starting to believe it was for the better. I do still love her, and my heart still hurts when reminded of her, but it's different now. I've had enough time to take a step back and look at things logically, really sort everything out in my head. I think this was a blessing in disguise. I've become much closer with my brother over the past few months while all of this happened. I've begun medication and will soon be starting therapy (for a wide range of issues, not just this). I've gotten in touch with some of the friends I abandoned when we started dating. I am weak right now, but I believe in a few months I will be stronger than I've ever been.

She wants to keep talking on a friendly level. I told her I'd call her sometime in the future, I just haven't decided when yet. I am just so... satisfied... that I have finally gotten some closure to this. I'm not saying "I'm all cured! See ya guys!", just that I know I've taken a big step in getting better. I really appreciate all of the support I've recieved from you all throughout this whole ordeal, it means a lot to know that people can care about someone they've never even met. Not to mention giving great advice

And on that note, holy hell it's 4:22am. Goodnight.