((((((((kerria))))))))
there are ppl here who care and give support the best they can. i too suffer with chronic pain. i often need injections in my back so i can walk. i haven't been able to hold down a real job for longer than about 2 yrs. and even those were very part time and health issues caused me to have to leave.
for myself, i have had to work really hard on my view of myself and RL. i too often think that no one cares, understands, or can relate. then i have to step back and see that it is my view of things. i wanted to give up several yrs ago and nearly did that. life was at the lowest point i had ever experienced. i was tired of fighting, my body was tired of fighting, i was withering away to near nothing and emotionally i was so bad that i couldn't even express myself as you have.
i guess it was there that i saw the whole thing was a choice. i wasn't trapped, i wasn't helpless or hopeless. i could make a choice. i could choose to die or i could choose to live and make changes that would help me and not keep me a victim.
NO-those changes didn't come like some kind of ZAP-CURED. i had to lay there nearly dead and nearly unresponsive for a while--days?? and then begin a VERY LONG and difficult road back.
I thank God that He gave me supportive and loving ppl who walked with me on that road. I thank God that He finally put me with a Dr. who understands, has listened and worked with me for the last over 15 yrs. (talk about abusive Drs. before..i won't) I finally once again have a therapist who believes me and my alters.
You have the same choice Kerria--you can lay down, give up and die or make the choice to live and make changes, not excuses, for your life.
There are many here who support you and are lifting you up. You have to make the choice to listen to them also.
w_i