The 9th of this month it will be two months since Dave killed himself. I manage to have good days because I am a pro at stuffing things down inside. But sometimes they come up. When he died, my folks (who never liked him, so this shocked me), offered the stipend to the church to have a mass dedicated to him, so his name would be mentioned during the general intercession. That mass was last Sunday, the 3rd. I cried through the entire mass, though his name was only mentioned once. The girls and I took the gifts up, me crying the whole time. I stuff it all down inside when I go home because Myron just doesn't understand, at all. So last night he and I went to Logan's for a drink and munchies after work and saw someone we went to school with, who had a friend with her. They both knew Dave and couldn't leave it at, "I'm sorry to hear about Dave. How are the kids doing?" No, they wanted to know every detail about how we are handling it, then I get to hear about how he had apparently gotten back into drugs and how he loved his new girlfriend so much and borrowed money to pay her rent and then she said to him that she didn't know why he was doing all this for her because she wasn't planning on spending the rest of her life with him. Then I got to hear how was telling all his friends how he f**ked up the best thing that ever happened to him (me) and how he just missed his wife (me, though we weren't married) and wanted his wife with me. I had to sit there and listen to this because I couldn't say I really can't hear this right now. Why the hell didn't he call me????!!! WHY!!!!!?????????? All he had to do was call!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been a year and a half that we've been apart but we were so close still. I loved him. He loved me. Why the f*** didn't he call me??????!!!!!! Why did he have to do it???????????? I think I just hit the anger stage.