Just journalling a bit . . . you may want to skip this . . . nothing new really.



I headed back to school yesterday after a two week vacation. Vacation was a good thing. I found I was able to put all my "stuff" aside and enjoy myself. And I had a lot of "stuff" come up during vacation. My sister is "stuff". My parents are "stuff". Going back to the church I grew up in was "stuff". Driving by the house I grew up in was "stuff". The house across the street from that where I was molested was definitely "stuff". Getting on Facebook was stuff when the daughter of the man that molested me found me was "stuff".

But somehow I was able to gently push all that "stuff" aside. Proud of myself for that.

But I came home. It's harder to keep things set aside now that I'm home. I have to deal with this issue with my son. It sets off a lot of old "stuff". It shouldn't, but I've made connections between what happened with my son and what happened to me, and I'm really triggered by it. Today my tdoc wants to meet with my husband, my son, and me to deal with his issues. I'm dreading this session. I'm afraid that I'll say something that will hurt my son. I'm afraid I won't say anything to my son. I'm afraid I won't even be able to stay in the same room with my son. I'm just stinking afraid.