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lonegael · Jan 05, 2010, 12:31 PM

Quote:

My heart goes on to you. You are right. Depression is selfish but I can assure you it does not feel good for your wife to inflict pain on people especially the people she loves any more than it would feel good for you to be the one inflicting pain. The temporary release slaps back many-fold. Perhaps even more intensely for the one who is depressed. The self loathing that comes whenever I succumb to the rage is equally if not more intense and painful than the sadness and despair of the depression itself. It truely adds insult to injury all the way around. The rage isn't always so much a choice as a desperate release. It's a symptom of the severity of the suffering.

Experts will tell you that depression is not just your wife's illness but rather it is your family's illness too. That is to say that the effects of depression affect everyone especially those closest to the person disabled by the depression. I know it can't be easy living with your wife right now but it can get better.

There is so much to learn before one can get a handle on coping. Your wife sounds to be in a really rough place right now and you and your family unfortunately are along for the rough and painful ride. It isn't fair and the damage can be wide reaching but it can be treated and the ride can be smoother.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record you must acknowledge that you can not deal with this without the right resources. Knowledge and skills need to be acquired and practiced and teamwork is critical. Medications can help but the trial and error period can be lenghthy.

I can hear that you are near the end of your rope and that you are in a great deal of pain. I hope the help your wife has begun to receive will begin to turn things around for all of you. You may need to redefine normal too in my opinion because until the proper treatment and coping mechanisms are in place nothing will be able to normalize your lives. It will take time to find the right treatment and to develop the skills but patience is a lot easier to find when you are part of the solution and when you begin to see baby step improvements.

I am concerned about your feelings of powerlessness. I imagine that is very frightening and anger is a natural consequence of fear. While this is a family illness you are dealing with you can take a lead by empowering yourself. You can do that by arming yourself with more knowledge and you are doing that by reaching out for help. Keep reaching until you get the quality and quantity of help you need.

Keep talking to us if it helps. Keep seeking out more information. We are here to listen and support you as best we can. There is no easy fix or quick cure but there is reason for hope and there is reason to believe in better days ahead.

Take good care and try your best to keep the hope alive in you for you and your family's sake.

Good post, and I second it whole heartedly. God bless, For worse or for worse. Please don't try to go this completely alone. Huggs and good luck.