Just need someone to care.

I feel like I want to explode. Want to tear something up , destoy something, anything. But instead I am imploding. Taking all my rage and turning inside. I am a quiet person but today , actually for a long time, I am a raging maniac. On the inside. I can't sit still but i just want to crawl into a hole. I am not productive. I don't do anything but sit and then up and pace. i am a misfit. I never do anything right.

I have been told all the things that I should be doing to help myself. Including not using the word "should". Have been going to therapy for almost six years. But I just waste it. Why don't I do what I need to do?

I am such a waste of bone and flesh.

I have a husband of 30 years who loves me with all his heart. He would do anything for me but he doesn't know what else to do for me.

Its a bad day.