Sometimes I find it hard to make time for both myself and my relationship. Not just because of work obligations and such, but because I like to spend all of my free time with my boyfriend. I know I need to maintain time for myself, but it's hard to do for some reason....perhaps it's still in the honeymoon phase (we havent been together that long), but it makes me feel codependent, as i've said before. Recently i've tried incorporating things I normally do on my own into my time with him. For instance we've begun reading together. Just feels like it's all or nothing which is a little scary, considering what just happened between us. It's like I have two options: 1. keep an emotional distance and feel like i'm never truly giving my heart to someone or 2. become emotionally uninhibited and allow myself to fall head over heels but risk the utter devastation and loneliness that comes if the relationship ends. I don't know what to do. My reaction to finding out about his infidelity was certainly the most inappropriate coping i've ever done and I don't want to find myself there again. A lot of the devastation had to do with how i'd changed during our relationship and I found myself freaking out about the fact that i've gained ten lbs since we've been together. I feel like if I can keep my weight where I want it, even during the course of a happy relationship where I don't pay attention to my weight as much, that I will be okay if worst-case-scenario, it happens again and we break up. At least then I won't be alone and fat.