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Jan 05, 2010, 07:03 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: So Cal
Posts: 3,342
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Sexual intimacy just SCARES me to death.
I'm okay on the giving end....sorta, but horrible on the receiving end and just feel like I have better things to do. That probably sounds crass...but the thought of a partner getting pleasure from doing sexual things to me makes my stomach lurch and makes me want to run away screaming.
The thought of being thought of as a sexual being at all makes me want to run away screaming.
I take care of myself when it comes to sexual needs and desires...and I'm okay with this. But it is lonely because if there is no partner...there is no cuddling, snuggling, warmth...etc.
But I don't want all that with sex involved....I want it without the sex.
I have these rules for myself....sex with others is gross...it is disgusting and foul...and painful physically and emotionally.
But for everyone else...I see it as a normal, healthy act that is part of the human experience.
I'd like to say that none of this really bothers me, because I don't really want it to. But obviously if I am posting here...I guess it does bother me.
I don't feel like I'll ever be "normal" when it comes to sexual intimacy with other people. As much as I want the closeness...the threat of sex...of totally giving myself up to another person...of allowing another person to be so intrusive upon me....
It just makes me nauseous to think about it. 
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