I am trying to deal with a couple of things just now that I know are pretty silly really, but can't seem to shake them off.

One is that my T has gone for an operation today. I am selfishly sorry that I won't see her again till next month. Also I am worried about the operation itself - my dad had a similar operation a few years ago and he had a pulmonary embolism which luckily was spotted in time. I know that these things aren't connected but somehow they have got stuck in my head.

The other thing is that I sent my old CPN a card and a note for Christmas and I would really like to hear from her though I know I have no right to ask for that. Some cards seem to have been delayed so it is possible she has only just received it, but I feel I am starting to obsess about checking the mail.

And yes, I guess it's that time of year - starting up old routines again and doubting my ability to cope - and being stuck thinking about where I was this time last year and how horrible it was, and how I feel I won't cope if I sink so low again.