So, the end of this month marks the two-year anniversary of my attempt on my life. January's always a hard month for me, but for the last three years this month has felt like some sort of horrible abyss. I screwed up on the job this weekend and feel like quitting. I'm so disappointed with myself. I am having problems connecting with people the way I want to. I miss the leader I was becoming in high school. That part of me seems to have vanished, though I keep picking up leadership roles as if the old me will come back, then failing (or quitting) because the old me is there in thought only. How can I feel such passion for things and not follow through? I've begun to see all the areas in my life in which I have been asking people to parent me. It's like I finally realized what it means to be an adult and am so ashamed that I haven't been acting like one. I feel like I'm just a self-centered, needy little brat.

Am I doomed to have a miserable January every year for the rest of my life?