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Don't be ashamed of yourself. Its ok to be you. Obsessing about people (fictional or not) to this point is probably not the healthiest thing, but I don't think it or you are stupid. And I bet your parents wouldn't either. Do you have access to a therapist without your parents knowing?
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"School is shortened, discipline relaxed, philosophies, histories, languages dropped, English and spelling gradually gradually neglected, finally almost completely ignored. Life is immediate, the job counts, pleasure lies all about after work. Why learn anything save pressing buttons, pulling switches, fitting nuts and bolts?" Bradbury, Ray Fahrenheit 451 p 55-56
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