(((MissC))) I don't know if it's this way with you, but I struggle more now with the return to therapy than the break from therapy. Yes, me too! The break has become easier probably because I feel more secure in the relationship; but the reunion continues to feel strange.

It's is just annoyingly uncomfortable when T returns and I can't always put my finger on it. I tend to imagine T has made some kind of adjustment of my therapy during the break because things just seem kind of 'off'. Kinda scary sometimes and definitely uncomfortable and disappointing.

I think the disappointing part is probably very true and for me, it's a result of the pedestal I put him on and the idealization that occurs during the break--but I need to do that in order to sustain the break, so I guess it's all part of the continuum of security in the realtionship. When I walked into the room, there was plain old human T and he wasn't wearing his Superman costume either!

Hang in there!