I did write that. I cut it down a bit to take out some things that may have offended some. This piece is the result of my attempt to help a non BPD understand what it's like to be me. It was a response to one person mentioning to me that his main worry about me in the future is that I "think too much". He meant no harm in saying that, but I did feel the need to open his eyes a little. I was hoping to show him how easy and subtle it can sometimes be to feel pain to the point of regression, or to switch, and at the same time keep things cryptic enough that if one were not taking the piece seriously it would simply blow by them. You have to read very closely to pick up the way certain words can bounce into more than one idea, for example. Another example is how I incorperated my struggles with sleep paralysis into the over all picture in the last few lines.
I ended up putting this piece in a pamphlet I'm putting together for those in like situations. I put it here hoping to benefit someone. Anyone. It's been nearly a year since I've used drugs, or SI and every time I come in contact with someone still engaged in damaging behavior I just hurt so much for them I just want to hold them till it goes away. I know I can't just make it go away so I do anything I can. If people are helped by what I've written without collateral damage I will put other pieces in.