I got to my ex-hub's house around 7:15 this morning, to watch my young daughter, Lena. I'm bringing groceries into the house ~ and Eric tells me that he needs me to watch Lena tomarrow (Thursday). Eric has known for months that Tuesdays and Thursdays are my days for my appointments. I am NOT available. I repeat that to him.

Then, Eric says that he has no other options, he has to work on Thursday, and I've missed my appointments before. He goes on to yell that I've missed my DBT group due to snow, illness, and he's "asking for one measly day". I repeated that if I didn't go to DBT tomarrow, that would be 1 month since I last went ~ I have to go! What about my Mom, perhaps she can help? NO. Eric says that she has to work, it's her job. Eric has to work too, it's his job. <<<GUILT>>>

I am FURIOUS!!! I snapped at him that I'd call to cancel, fine. Then he said that he didn't want me to be here if it were that much trouble. And I'm thinking, "B.S!!" WHHYYYYY does Eric do this to me?? I missed DBT last week because I had to stay while people cleared my apartment from a flood. I missed the week before because it was a freakin blizzard here, and I couldn't move my van out of the parking lot. WTF is Eric's problem using this crap against me??! He does it all of the time! Like I'm not working, therefore, I should be able to come whenever he rings. He has literally told me that I don't work, so I ought to work around his schedule.

It's not that freaking easy ~ and I'm sick of it dammit! Eric's schedule is ALWAYS changing! WTH can't I expect to have 2 days, in which I can attend to my therapy appointments, doctors, and errands of my own? It sure as heck doesn't help that we got into it as he's leaving for work & I'm puting the groceries away.

And, now, the repressing self-hate and SI enter my mind. I am so tired of this freakin life I just hate my very messy life!