I almost don't even know what to say. I've been repeating myself for many years--I've told people about what happened, and no one has ever really believed me or took it seriously. But I think the worst part was that my parents never took it seriously or understood the situation like I did. They always told me that I was "overreacting" and that I would never understand because I'm not a parent. It helps me to know that, at the very least, I'm validated at being angry.
And... I think I'll try some counseling at college...
Quote:
There is no doubt that your brother is mentally ill and/or has addictions. However, that in no way excuses his intentional and ongoing psychological assaults on you, assaults that he no doubt knew were utterly wrong and inexcusable.
Here is a guess as to his true motivation, please let me know your thoughts: you obviously are highly intelligent, no doubt successful in school (at least before his abuse). Did and do he and his achievements seem inferior to yours? Would he feel himself inferior to you? Might he resent you?
|
I thought this was interesting, because I never really put any thought into his possible motive. What I do know is that he was really angry. I don't know what he was angry about, but he was furious and had difficulty expressing his anger. Because... before all this happened, we were both good friends. But here's and interesting thing to note: my oldest brother was actually adopted, whereas J. and I are biological to my parents. However, he was adopted as soon as he was born, (my parents took him home at 3 days old) and it's not like my parents sprang this information on him. He doesn't really have contact with his biological parents though. So... I'd never really seen him as being "adopted" or different because I'd known him my whole life. (People are actually surprised that he is adopted because he has similar genetic traits to the rest of the family--blond hair with blue/green eyes.) But this could be a source of anger for him, compounded with F.A.S. (born addicted to alcohol) he has a predisposition to anger problems...
But as for the idea that he resents me... I don't know, but he did spend an awful lot of time mocking me. Besides, J. is practically a genius, but I tend to do better in school because I have more drive. But if J. actually applied himself, he could easily surpass me intellectually. So maybe he resents us... but he also knows that he's much more successful in social situations and makes friends easier than us. It's sort of funny--if all three of us were combined into a single person, we might actually form a fully functional human being...!
As for the cause of his anger... there's two things that come to mind. First, he had a friend that was into the same sort of stuff--who actually introduced him to it (the obvious answer). Second, about two years before this happened, my family went through a bad bankruptcy, lost our house (my dad had planned and built it himself), were homeless for a few weeks and ended up moving to like, 4 different houses in one year. So that was pretty stressful, to say the least. And to this day, my parents refuse to talk about what happened because it "puts too much stress on their marriage." (My dad wrote a letter about his side of the story when I was about 13-14 and he pretty much blames the entire incident on my mom.) But again, I was in 2nd grade and don't remember that much--whereas my brothers were older (in 4th and 5th grade, respectively) so it had a larger impact on their life? I'm not really sure.
That's really all I can come up with for now.
